#anhedonia

It's so hard when you have depression and a migraine with a severe prodrome and anhedonia at the same time. There was one day when I didn't think about death, but it seems that was a very short episode. Before that, I found out that the insurance company won't pay my family if I decide to end my life, because they won't let me get life insurance due to my diagnoses already being in the database, and they specifically account for cases like this. So I won't be able to pull off that trick. That upset me. #MentalHealth #Health #Life #Depression #Migraine #Thoughts #Blog #Fediverse #Anhedonia

Found a site today: https://reasonstostay.org Sitting with it, trying to find something to hold onto. Not sure yet how many reasons I'll find. But I'm looking. #Depression #Anhedonia #MentalHealth

Found a site today: reasonstostay.org Sitting with it, trying to find something to hold onto. Not sure yet how many reasons I'll find. But I'm looking. #Depression #Anhedonia #MentalHealth

Another day of complete emptiness, loneliness surrounded by loved ones, having everything I once dreamed of - yet none of it brings any joy, doesn't evoke even a single emotion. I can't imagine what could possibly bring me joy right now. #Depression #Anhedonia #MentalHealth #Health #Blog #Thoughts

Woke up to a list of duties and no strength to feel anything about them. The body keeps going. It cleans, it carries, it answers questions. A shell that still holds its shape and does what it is supposed to do. No strength even to fake a smile in the moments where a smile would be the kindest thing to offer. This is what anhedonia actually is. Not sadness. Absence. There was one more paragraph here. Probably the best prose I have written in months, courtesy of the thoughts that are not looking out for me. It is not going public. Some lines belong to me, not to the timeline. If your mornings look like this, you are not the only one. That is the whole reason I write these posts. #Depression #Anhedonia #MentalHealth #Health #Blog #Thoughts

One of the more disorienting parts of living with both recurrent depression and migraine: you don't always know which one is starting. With migraine, at least the pain shows up - prodrome, then the hit, predictable as weather. With depression, it doesn't have to. Instead there's anhedonia, nothing landing anymore, and thoughts that aren't looking out for me. That's the actual difference. One hurts and ends. The other doesn't need to hurt to be dangerous. That’s where I am right now. #Migraine #Depression #Anhedonia #MentalHealth #ChronicIllness